Free until they cut me down
by LC
12/04A gift for Derry, for JBBS 2004.
Dick is swinging on the parallel bars when Roy enters the gym. He has to know Roy's there, but he doesn't pause or even nod, just keeps moving through his routine. Roy leans against the wall and watches him, and it's only when Dick finishes off the last turn and hits the floor again that Roy realizes he has his eyes closed. It shouldn't be a surprise. He knows Dick's been doing this sort of thing since he learned to walk. Probably before. But it still shocks him, a little. He can't help thinking about how it must feel to be falling through the air blind, in the seconds between letting go of one bar and grabbing hold of the other.
Then Dick opens his eyes and smiles at him, shoving a chalk-dusty hand back through his hair. "Hey." As bright as ever, and Roy thinks for a second that he shouldn't have come down here, there's no way Dick can give him--what he was looking for. He doesn't know what he was looking for.
"Nice work," he says, nodding towards the bars. Dick makes a dismissive little noise.
"Nah, that's nothing. I just felt kind of...off, today." He shrugs. "I haven't been practicing enough."
"You need to practice that? The gymnastics stuff? Isn't it like--" Like breathing, is what it looks like.
"Of course. Don't you practice your shooting?"
Roy snorts. "Only four hours every *day.*" He doesn't know what he's trying to say, or if he wants to say it at all. How Dick moves like he's never doubted the bar will be there, when he reaches for it. There's something--he wants--he feels hot all over, and for a bewildering moment he doesn't know what he's angry at.
"Same thing," Dick says. "I go a couple weeks without hitting the bars, I'll probably fall on my head next time. Plus, Batman's really tough about practicing, like, martial arts and weapons and stuff, but he kind of forgets I need to keep in shape with the acrobat stuff too. So, you know," he grins at Roy, the kind of grin that feels like it wants to be shared, "sometimes I forget too."
Roy's been alone in the house for two weeks. He lets himself answer Dick's smile, even though it feels false on his face. "You don't look like you could ever forget," he says. Like it's built into him, this automatic knowledge tucked inside his bones. Sometimes he wonders what Dick's parents were like. Dick might not even mind Roy asking, but he couldn't ever explain why he wanted to know.
Dick touches his shoulder, lightly and full of concern. Roy breathes in the smell of chalk and sweat, and doesn't meet his eyes. The hand on his shoulder feels hot and *important* and now he understands at least one thing.
Not angry--just fucking turned *on* and he can't tell the difference any more.
Dick asks, "What's the matter?" like he believes Roy might tell him. He believes so many things that nobody's ever given him any reason to. Sometimes Roy thinks that's what Dick's there for. He puts his hand on Dick's arm and pulls him closer and kisses him.
He does it too hard, and he knows it's too hard, but Dick doesn't stop him. His mouth opens right away and there's nothing Roy can do but lick his way inside and then suck on Dick's tongue, because that makes him shiver hard, all over. Roy pulls Dick tighter against him so he can feel it. They're not wearing their uniforms, either of them, and holding Dick in just a t-shirt and shorts feels dirtier than anything else he could do.
Dick breaks off, panting, and leans his forehead against Roy's. "Oh," he says, and then, "Roy..."
He sounds so much younger than he is. Roy slides his hand down Dick's back and cups his ass, grinding his hips up a little. Dick moans his name this time. His eyes are wide and Roy leans his head back a little so he can see them.
"You ever done this before? With a guy, I mean."
Dick shakes his head, blinking rapidly. Looking at him makes something inside Roy twist.
"Never? Not with--"
He feels bad as soon as he says it. Dick shudders in his arms and shakes his head again. "No. No."
But you want to, Roy doesn't say. He doesn't need to. Dick's got his eyes closed now and he's rubbing against Roy's hip, short helpless little thrusts. Roy pushes his free hand under the waistband of Dick's shorts and starts stroking him. They're pressed so close that it almost feels like he's jerking off, except Roy never makes anything like this kind of noise.
Dick moans and sighs and says, "*Roy,* please, oh, please I need--" and yells when he comes in Roy's hand. His voice is loud enough to reverb off the walls, but even then, it's a soft kind of sound. Dick's voice is like being stroked with cotton, velvet, something soft and dampening that *holds* you.
He takes his hand out of Dick's shorts, and he means to wipe it off on his t-shirt but Dick grabs his wrist. He pulls it to his mouth and licks his come off Roy's skin, his tongue pressing firmly with each lick. When he sucks Roy's fingers into his mouth he lifts his eyes to meet Roy's and it's impossible to look away.
The suction is hollowing out Dick's cheeks when he finally lets go, with a wet popping sound that makes Roy's dick twitch. "You want that?" Dick asks, and it's a real question, like he thinks Roy might tell him no. Roy pets his cheek with his wet fingers and nods, and then he pets Dick's smile.
Dick kneels and opens Roy's jeans. He tugs them down, the shorts, and then he pauses. Roy groans and slides his fingers through Dick's hair, pushing just a little, as little as he can. And then finally Dick wraps one hand around Roy and opens his mouth, eyes flicking back and forth between Roy's face and his dick. He wants to watch Roy while he's sucking him, it's obvious, and Roy has to push into Dick's mouth at that thought. Harder than he should, but Dick only whimpers around him and opens even more.
Roy does his best to keep still, but he can't keep his hand from tightening into a fist in Dick's hair. Dick sucks him hard and noisily, and everything sounds so loud. The messy wet noises and Dick's choked-off moans and Roy's voice pouring from his throat, saying words before he can even think them. He doesn't want to hear himself talk. He doesn't want to remember what he hears.
He says Dick's name when he comes, over and over, while Dick swallows around him and coughs and finally pulls off, licking his lips. He leans his head against Roy's hip and stays there for a while. Roy can hear him breathing.
He kisses Roy again when he gets up, with his swollen red lips, and Roy sucks himself off Dick's tongue.
"Did you," Dick says, and stops. "Are you okay?" One hand on Roy's chest and another on his hip, warm and solid and heavy like paperweights. Roy smiles at him.
"Believe me," he says, "I'm *fine.*"