THINGS WE HAVE NEVER DONE

for L.C.

by Derry

"Okay," Roy said, and cracked open another bottle of beer. "I have never." He looked round and grinned as Donna let her hair fall over her face. "I have never been married."

Donna shot Roy an evil look and finished her glass of wine.

Toni glanced between the two of them. "What?"

Roy refilled Donna's glass and settled back on the couch. "Drinking game. I say something I've never done and if you've done it, you take a drink."

"Not," Donna said, "that Toni is drinking. And neither is Grant."

Out of the corner of his eye, Roy could see Toni deliberately not looking at him. He was deliberately not looking at her. Or Grant. What Donna didn't know, and all that. But Donna was looking suspicious so Roy cleared his throat. "Your turn, Gar."

Gar tilted his glass and frowned absently. "I thought there'd be more of us here on Christmas Eve."

Roy shrugged. "Wally's with Linda, Garth's with his family, Kory's in Aspen with her model friends - and can I just say that I want to be with her? - and Jesse's with her mother."

"Supposedly," Donna said. "She's probably in the office."

"More fool her," Roy said.

"So where's Nightwing?" Grant asked.

Roy swallowed half his beer in one gulp and watched Donna exchange significant looks with Vic and Gar, whileToni looked round the room impatiently.

"Don't worry, Grant," she finally said. "It's probably one of those things we're not allowed to know."

"No," Donna said quickly. "It's not that. It's just..."

"Somebody else rates higher than us at Christmas," Roy said and didn't bother trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "Assuming he's bothering to admit Christmas exists this year." Toni and Grant swapped identical, 'Okaaaay' looks and Roy bit down on his irritation. "C'mon, Gar."

"Okay, okay. I have never had kids."

Roy drank the rest of his beer.

"You'd better stop targeting all these at me," Donna said and took a sip of her wine. Roy raised an eyebrow until she took a proper swallow, then passed her the bottle.

"Would we do something like that?" Vic said and smiled sweetly. "I have never been granted powers by the gods." He ducked the cushion Donna flung at him and grinned. "Oh, the alcohol's hitting her now."

Donna stuck her tongue out. "I have never had sex with a woman."

"Aw, Donna," Roy complained, and ignored the cushion being waved threateningly in his direction. "You're shattering my illusions about Themyscira." He caught the cushion and shoved it behind his back. "Ah, that's more comfortable." He glanced around as he opened yet another bottle. "C'mon, people, drink up."

Vic cleared his throat and took a brief swallow of his beer. Gar just stared at his gin and tonic.

"Oh," Roy said.

"Um," Toni said and took a small swallow of her drink.

"Oh!" Roy said and stared at her.

"I mean, it was just once, right? And, like, with two girls, when does it become sex, rather than just making out?"

"When it becomes really interesting to watch," Roy said. He gave her his dirtiest smile. "Why don't you tell me all about it and I'll decide whether or not it was sex?"

Grant cleared his throat. "I have never hit on a girl nearly a decade younger than me."

Roy blinked. "I should hope you haven't." He looked round. "Why's everybody looking at me?"

"Just drink," Vic said. "It'll be less embarrassing for all of us."

Roy hid his grin with his beer bottle and took a long swallow. "I still claim," he said, putting it down, "that there was no reason for me to drink."

"If there's no reason for you to drink, then why are you?"

Roy's head whipped round. "Nightwing?" And did he have to sound like an over-enthusiastic puppy? "I thought you'd be spending Christmas with Grim and Batty."

Dick dropped on to the couch next to Roy and folded his legs. "You guys are my family. Why shouldn't I spend Christmas with you?"

Roy eyed the tension in Dick's shoulders and passed him a beer. "No reason," he said. "Toni, your turn."

Toni looked at Dick and narrowed her eyes. "I have never worn a mask," she said.

Roy, Dick and Gar all reached for their drinks.

"You wore a mask?" Toni said to Gar.

"When I was a kid," Gar said. "More of a bag than a mask, though."

Roy tuned out Vic suggesting Gar should still wear a bag on his head and watched Dick. Even allowing for the fact that Dick was never still, he seemed restless. Roy kicked him. "What's up with you, shortpants?"

"Hmm?" Dick looked up and shrugged. "Nothing." He frowned slightly. "Not really."

"Spill."

Dick shook his head. "Not here."

Roy watched him for a moment longer. "Later, then." He looked up as Gar shouted his name. "What?"

"Your turn. As we've been saying for half an hour."

"I have never..." Roy stared at his bottle. "I think I've run out of things I've never done."

"Starred in a porn film," Gar suggested.

Roy narrowed his eyes and took a deliberate swig of his beer.

"Woah!" Gar stared at him. "You...? Woah."

Roy couldn't fight the grin. "Technicalities count, right? So, technically, the girl who recorded the action was making a porn film."

"If there is anything you haven't done," Vic said, "I doubt any of us will have done it."

Roy raised his bottle to him. "True. But Dick hasn't had his turn, anyway."

Dick looked around. "I have never been in a band."

"Cheers." Roy took a lengthy swig. "C'mon, Gar, you must have been in a band or something."

Gar shook his head. "Not me. Acting is my life."

"Never even played a musician?"

Gar shook his head again. "Never. And it is your turn this time, Harper. No getting out of it."

"I have never played a little green dude from outer space."

Gar finished his gin and tonic. "That was possibly the worst entry so far. I thought these were meant to be filthy and embarrassing."

"Not in front of the kids," Donna said, at the exact same moment that Roy said, "Then lower the tone."

"We're not kids!" Toni complained. Roy hoped Donna wouldn't notice the slight slurring in her voice. Maybe he'd put a little bit too much vodka into her cola...

"Right," Grant agreed. "We're minors but we're not kids." And maybe a bit too much in Grant's, too. Time for a distraction.

"Go on, Gar. Lower the tone."

Gar grinned enough for his fangs to be a little bit too visible. "I have never sucked cock."

Roy suspected he wasn't the only one who immediately looked at Vic, because Vic cleared his throat and shifted in his seat as he took a very small sip of his beer. Then again, maybe Vic didn't actually have a cock. He'd never delved that deeply into the guy's medical records. Although with the omegamorph suit, he could certainly acquire a cock. But would it still count as sucking cock if the cock was made of metal? And maybe he was thinking about this too much.

Donna was blushing furiously as she emptied her glass. And, okay, she'd been married but it was still weird to imagine Donna going down on somebody. Especially that frizzy-haired idiot who'd never been anywhere close to good enough for her.

And Grant was sneaking his drink to his mouth in a way that made it very, very clear he didn't want anybody to see, so Roy drained his bottle and let out a loud belch.

"Oh my god!" Toni squealed. "Seriously? I had no idea you were bi! That is so cool!"

He'd definitely given her too much vodka. "Hey, Vic, there any more beer around?"

A split-second while Vic accessed the Tower's records and then he shook his head. "You've drunk it all."

"I haven't had that much," Roy objected, ignoring the forest of empties on the table. "But I'm a nice guy so, even though it's not my fault, I'm going to head into the city, pick up some resupplies. Anyone else want anything?"

"More tonic," Gar said.

"You want anything, Donna?"

Donna picked up her nearly-empty bottle of wine and, with a small grin, held up two fingers. "But that's for tomorrow as well."

"Sure." Roy smirked at her. "I'll get you a couple more for tomorrow. Nightwing?"

Dick looked up. "I'll come with you."

"Can you get me some more-" Toni cleared her throat. "Um, some more cola?"

"There's five litres in the fridge," Donna said.

Toni's eyes remained fixed on Roy. "Please?"

"There's plenty of cola here," Roy said and hoped she got it. Either she did or she couldn't be bothered fighting because she settled back. And, hmm, let Grant put his arm around her shoulders. That could be interesting. "Vic?"

Vic waved his hand. "I'm good."

***

Roy stared at the controls of the ferry for a moment before Dick pushed him out the way and took command.

"I'm up to driving," Roy objected but it was more form than anything serious.

"Sure you are," Dick said and glanced at Roy, not quite smiling. "But it's still safer if I do it. Just like it was half an hour ago."

Roy settled cross-legged on to the deck next to the pile of bags from the liquor store. "Wasn't expecting you to show up tonight. Thought Bruce would be having some posh bash."

Dick shrugged. "He is. But I'm not expected to appear any more. Makes it all easier."

Roy wished he didn't have to ask but... "Will you be around tomorrow?"

Dick kept his gaze fixed on the stretch of bay in front of them. "For the morning. I'm having dinner with Bruce and Alfred in the evening."

Roy shrugged. "Okay. But Donna's cooking for midday, so you'll probably be too stuffed to eat at Bruce's."

Dick's grin was eerily visible in the semi-darkness. "You've tasted Alfred's cooking. Really think I'm going to turn it down?"

"Is he doing any of those little meringue thingies with the chocolate sauce?" When Dick nodded, Roy let out a groan. "Oh, man. Any chance you could take me with you? I'd just sit in the kitchen and eat the leftovers."

"I'll bring you a doggy bag."

"Deal. Give Alfred my love."

"Not Bruce?"

Roy's snort of laughter was louder than he'd expected. "He'd have a heart attack. And I don't want to go down in history as the man who killed the Batman." Dick didn't say anything and Roy looked up at him before shuffling across to thump his thigh. "Don't worry, I don't really think Batman'd go down that easy."

"Not that."

"What, then?" He waited a moment. "I don't do subtle at the best of times, never mind after however many beers, so cough it up."

"You drank on Gar's turn."

Roy hated the beat before he managed to say anything. "That's the observant Bat-wing we know and love."

"Was it just to distract from Grant?"

Roy leaned back on his arms and looked up at Dick. "You spotted that too, huh? But, as it happens, I was telling the truth. I am a very practised cocksucker. Or I was." He waved one hand vaguely. "Long time ago. Surprised you didn't know."

There was a long silence.

"You're not going to get weird about this, are you?"

When Dick finally replied, his voice sounded strange. "Teach me?"

Roy blinked and squinted up at him. "Okay, I think perhaps I have had too much to drink. Did you just ask me to teach you to suck cock?"

"Yes."

Roy tried to process it. "Is this some weird Bat-thing? Preparation for undercover work? I bet Brucie has been pulling his 'All skills are useful' schtick."

"Partly."

"Or is it just that you're dying to get your hands on my gorgeous bod?"

Dick finally sounded more human when he looked down and said, "Partly."

Roy tapped his fingers on his thigh. "If you wanted to hit on me, you could have just done it, y'know."

"I thought I just did."

"No." Roy pulled himself to his feet and picked up half the bags as Dick docked the ferry. "You asked for a lesson. Totally different."

The lights highlighted Dick's face as he picked up his share of the bags and followed Roy up to the Tower. "How's it different?"

"Well, now I'm going to be constantly thinking about technique. Rather than just lying back and enjoying it." Roy juggled the bags enough to pull his shades off for the retinal scan.

When he turned to look back at Dick, Dick didn't seem worried. "I'll just pour beer down your throat until you're not thinking of anything."

"But then you wouldn't get to experience my technique." Roy headed down the corridor, Dick following. "If you're not staring at my ass, you lose points," Roy called back.

"I'm starting to wish I hadn't said anything."

Roy turned round and walked backwards for a few steps. "You are not allowed to back out now. There's nobody else in this Tower I could pull tonight and now I'm all worked up."

"You get worked up quickly."

Roy narrowed his eyes and considered saying something about the fact Dick had been getting him worked up for the past ten years. But he just grinned, raised an eyebrow and turned back round.

Roy was the first through the door to the den. It took him half a second to decide he was heading straight back out and not mentioning what he'd seen to anybody. He reversed so quickly he ran into Dick.

"What is it?"

Apparently, 'anybody' didn't include Dick. "Vic and Gar. On the couch."

Dick blinked. "The others?"

"No sign of them. Which is... Kind of a relief, actually."

"Toni and Grant?"

"Even if they'd wanted to get up to something - and I don't really think they did - Donna would be keeping an eye on them."

"Which just leaves us."

"Yeah. Just us." Roy tried to grin but Dick was looking at him and he'd only just realised that Dick hadn't bothered putting his mask on when he came back into the Tower. Which meant Dick hadn't been planning on rejoining the party. And that... "I'd ask whether you wanted to go to my room or yours but it's going to be mine."

"Did you clean specially or something?"

"Nah. Just - Lian'll come charging in, first thing in the morning." Roy shrugged. "Don't want to miss it."

Dick's smile was almost affectionate and it made Roy feel uncomfortable. "Yours, then."

Roy wasn't sure when the whole thing had become awkward but leaving the bags in the kitchen and walking down to his room suddenly seemed deeply significant. It didn't help that Dick kept looking at him and smiling.

And that was why, as soon as he'd kicked the door shut, he shoved Dick up against the wall and dropped to his knees. Dick's hands were in his hair, pushing his head back, making him look up. Didn't stop his hands from unbuttoning Dick's jeans, though.

"Thought you were meant to be teaching me," Dick said.

"Practical demonstration," Roy said and pulled Dick's jeans and boxers down.

"I didn't mean-"

"Shut up." Roy yanked hard against Dick's grip in his hair and it was enough to get his mouth on Dick's cock. After a moment, Dick let his hands fall down by his side and Roy closed his eyes.

This was familiar. He knew what he was doing as he licked carefully up Dick's cock and then took it into his mouth. Sucked. Tongued the glans.

"Roy."

Dick's voice was quiet and he ignored it.

"Not like this." Dick was breathless. "Please."

Easy to tune it out and concentrate on Dick's cock in his mouth. Dick's balls in his hand.

"Please, Roy."

Almost a whine and then Dick was coming and it was natural to swallow. Easier than any of the alternatives.

Dick's hand was back on his hair, stroking, when he said, "I didn't want it like that."

Roy opened his eyes and pulled back. "Then how?" He licked his lips and watched Dick's eyes widen.

"I wanted to touch you, Roy," Dick said, as though it was perfectly obvious. "I didn't just want you on your knees."

Roy shut his eyes for a moment and let out a breath. "Should have known you'd be all romantic."

"Wanting a bed is romantic?" Dick's smile was hesitant.

"Totally." Roy smiled ruefully and climbed to his feet. "You have to make things different, don't you?"

"This is different," Dick said and Roy didn't know if he meant different to their friendship or different to whatever Roy had done before.

Either way, Roy said, "Yes," and kissed Dick.

Dick's mouth opened to him instantly and Roy's breath caught. Then Dick's arms were round his waist and he was being tugged in closer and. Yeah. This was different.

But Dick's jeans were digging into him and Roy finally pulled back. "You said something about a bed?"

Dick's hands were pushing under his t-shirt. "You can't go to bed in the clothes you've been wearing all evening. It's unhygienic."

Roy lifted his arms and let Dick tug the shirt over his head. "Hygiene," he said and couldn't keep the grin off his face. "That's the worst excuse ever."

Dick rested his hands on Roy's chest. "Okay. I want to see you."

"You've seen me before."

"Not like this. Not to touch."

Roy swallowed. "Then touch."

And Dick did. So lightly Roy could barely feel more than the heat of his hands and the occasional scratch of a callous that made Roy hiss.

He was breathing heavily when he finally seized Dick's wrists. "Bed. Now." Dick just smiled and Roy tugged him over to the bed and pushed him backwards. Dick sprawled and grinned up at him. "Don't move," Roy said and started kicking his jeans off, until they got caught on his sneakers and nearly sent him flying.

Dick sniggered. "Thought you'd be good at stripping."

"It's all a cunning ploy to make me look endearingly inept. The babes love it." With a final yank, Roy managed to get jeans and sneakers off and then it was just a case of hurling himself on to the bed next to Dick. "Tell me you weren't feeling a surge of warm and loving protectiveness."

"I was feeling a surge of something," Dick said and rolled over to straddle Roy's thighs. "You mentioned something about lessons. And technique."

Roy blinked as Dick crawled down his body. "You sure you...?"

"Roy."

"I mean, you've had blowjobs before, so-"

"Roy." Dick's smile made Roy take a deep breath. "Teach me."

Roy shut his eyes briefly. "Okay." This felt so stupid. "No being delicate and refined - you've got to slobber." Not that he had anything against talking dirty but... " Start at the base and kind of lick upwards. Then you just keep doing that for a while." He looked down. "Going to start any time soon?"

"I was expecting a few more tips."

Roy managed something close to a grin. "Once we've established you're competent at the basics. Don't want to walk before you can run, now."

Dick narrowed his eyes, lowered his head and then the warmth of his tongue was on Roy's cock and it was hard to breathe as one slow touch followed another, gradually moving towards the head. Wet and warm and-

"Use your hand. On the shaft. Keep it wet."

Dick spat on his palm and then his hand was wrapped round Roy's cock and it took real effort to keep from thrusting into it.

It didn't even seem totally ridiculous any more. Just seemed hot. "Lick over the head. There - fuck - stay there a moment." Specially when Dick just obeyed. Hard pressure of Dick's tongue. "Fuck, yeah. Suck it."

And he did, just the head. Sucked it hard and Roy didn't bother holding back the whimper. Encouragement. Positive reinforcement. Yeah. Roy rested a hand on Dick's shoulder, sliding it under the neck of his shirt, enjoying the prickle of the short hairs there.

"Okay. Deeper." It was getting harder to lie still. Nearly impossible, because Dick was hot and willing and fucking good. "Harder. Please. Harder."

And he did, he could.

"Dick. Oh, fuck."

And Dick hummed. Roy hadn't taught him that. But he did and-

"Gonna come."

Dick just hummed again and there was no way Roy could pull off, not with Dick's tongue still moving on him, and-

White-out.

When Roy got round to opening his eyes, Dick was lying next to him, looking smug. Roy grinned lazily. "A+."

"I had a good teacher." Dick leaned over and kissed him and it was weird in the best way to taste himself in Dick's mouth.

"Want an advanced demonstration?"

Dick let out a breath of laughter. "If you can find another guinea pig to demonstrate on. I'm no good."

"Later, then," Roy said and wished he hadn't. Because 'later' meant 'tomorrow' which meant neither of them pretending this had never happened and-

"Sounds like a plan." Dick stretched and groaned. "Think Lian would object to finding me in your bed in the morning?"

Roy squinted at the ceiling. "Nah," he said after a moment. "More people to watch her open her stocking."

"Good. Because I really don't want to move."

"You're going to have to move enough to get your shoes off, at least. I don't want mud all over my sheets."

"Spoilsport." Dick rolled on to his back and toed off his shoes before wriggling out of his jeans and pulling his boxers up. "Happy?"

"Almost. I need to find some clothes." It took a couple of minutes of rooting round to find a stack of clean laundry on top of his drumkit. "There. I'll be decent in the morning."

Dick mumbled something unintelligible while Roy turned off the lights and crawled under the covers.

"Y'know something?" Roy said as he wrapped his arm round Dick's waist.

"Wha'?"

"It's really very unhygienic to go to bed in the t-shirt you've been wearing all day."

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